i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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