guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
