just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
