Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
