ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
