Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
