If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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