Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
