Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
