You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
