I'm jealous of your bromance
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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