3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
porn star boner night. come get it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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