1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The adults are the big ones right?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
