My hair reeks of homosexuality.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
