I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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