I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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