I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
your like the ambassador to my penis.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize