i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
