yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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