I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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