Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
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