i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Alive.
So much puke
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
