I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
