i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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