MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
