is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
