Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
