I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
and she was petting her beer can
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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