Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
