the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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