when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
