That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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