i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
