I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
