you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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