I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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