omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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