I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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