he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
