Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
