so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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