i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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