Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
