??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
