Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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