Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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