Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
