I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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