Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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