my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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