I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
