U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So squirting runs in the family.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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