shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I have post one night stand depression
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