I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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