I just saw a hot homeless man
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I enjoy the company of your penis
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
