can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
