I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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