Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
