where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My vagina is officially offended.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
