If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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