I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
