Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
