clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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