Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
