Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
