bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
