dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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