RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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