Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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