Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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