i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
