if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
