It's like God shit irony all over that family
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
