he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
