her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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