Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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