I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
