just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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